miserables

I’m miserable and no one knows except me. It’s a tough to be like this. It hurts me. I ended up pretending again and it breaks my heart. I’m totally vulnerable.

I just can’t find to be strong at this time. I find myself un-incompetent. I don’t know where to excel. Sunod sunod na ang disappointments ko. Palpak na sa mga job interviews. Nakaka sad lang kasi, the more I eager na magkaroon ng trabaho, para namang lumalayo sa akin.Parang paulit-ulit na kasi sa utak ko yung sabi ni mama, “hangang dito ka nalang ba? Hahayaan mu nalang ba na ganito ka nalang?”. I felt pressured na din at the same time, may mga taong kinakausap si mama regarding sa mga anak nila, talking about hardships and expectations. “Sana nga, after maka graduate, tutulong din sila.”-Nanliliit na ako. Ayaw ko ng magpakita sa ibang tao.

I’m idle. I’m stagnant. I envy people na independent, na they can stand on their own and brave enough to face problems. I wish someday, I can be one of them.